U is for Understanding...

I remember the day I woke up and realized I had to make something of myself without anyone’s permission but my own!
I soon realized and began to understand what it meant to NOT feel invincible; that I could literally drive straight into a brick wall and be dead! That was my first, OMG, who am I? and Why the heck am I here?, awakening as woman in her clueless 20’s.
I was no longer thinking about what movie I was going to see with my boyfriend that night or concocting some sort of clever excuse to tell my step-dad when I didn’t follow his ridiculous 2 a.m. check-up call. I didn’t have to wake up for class or even eat breakfast that day if I didn’t want to.
I didn’t have the option of spending my days lounging by the pool with my friends with a magazine in hand dreaming of what I would being doing ten years from now; That ten years had passed and the magical question of "what do you want to be when you grow-up?" turned into a ahhhh, what the eff do I want to be? I was in complete panic mode! I mean, what am I good at? What are my passions? And why didn’t anyone tell me about this step? I got the fancy SMU degree and figured I could do something with journalism but I didn’t know what yet…
I began to see how powerful or powerless I could be. So I started reading inspirational books, going to church and reaching out to, what was once, so familiar and comfortable. Without my morning call to my Mom, I wasn’t sure what do to with myself that day! But she acted so different this time; "You need to figure out where you’re going to get a job, Julianna, because your Dad and I are getting ready to cut you off girlfriend!"
I began to understand what it meant when they say, "independent woman!" "What now?" Ok, I spend most my time at the gym, so I guess I can become a personal trainer, live in my parents house until I can save up enough money to move-out, and in the meantime figure out what I really love and could do everyday of my life!
Months went by, that felt like centuries, and I was still at square one until one day I woke up, glanced in the mirror and thought to myself if she could do it why couldn’t I? I was going to make movies, write books and travel because I said so…

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The funniest part, I failed to mention, is that I wrote this issue two years ago for my good sister/friend who is now a well-established internet-icon. In fact, her two-year-old blog-site, Genpink.com, was where I posted this issue and I was recently looking through the archives and saw this letter that I had basically written to myself two years ago.

So, I read it and thought to myself, "Wow, it's amazing how much the human mind evolves and matures." Yes, I am still a writer and share all the same interested listed above, and I had the right idea in my thinking, but my reasoning and drive for doing what I do have changed, dramatically.

Basically, I had all of the pieces to the puzzle lined up but I had NO clue how they all fit together. I had all of the right insight, information, tools, talents, motives and ideas but my passion and drive to get there had not yet ignited.

Today, I realize that my failed attempt to produce a movie was the perfect stepping stone for what I am today. The Five, whom I love dearly, slowly began to drift and transition away in to their own lives and ambitions and there I was picking up the pieces of my so-called calling.



Julianna LoCascio
Living Jillian
Certified Personal Trainer
Fitness Guru, Health Expert,
Life Coach